I have a sneaking suspicion that you might be walking around with a lot of pent up anger.
- Anger towards your parents for not being better parents.
- Anger towards your ex for how he treated you.
- Anger at yourself for allowing it to happen.
- Anger at your friend for being in an amazing relationship.
- Anger at the cards of life you got dealt from God, the Universe, life, or whatever you believe
- Anger at all the couple-y things we see this time of year.
For many of us, as kids, we learned that anger was ‘bad.’ I know that I’d get in trouble if I was angry and then decided to scream, yell, or hit my sister.
If we got angry at something, most of our parents got angry back or perhaps disciplined us. Rather than show us healthy ways to express or deal with anger, we were taught that it’s ‘bad’ and we ought to bottle it up.
And here’s the part of most of the self-growth world that drives me mad:
Personal development isn’t always about being happy. It’s about processing ‘negative’ emotions in a healthy, productive way to create more space for more desirable feelings.
And this is where a lot of people get lost. Coaches and self-help books will tell you:
- Buy crystals!
- Do yoga!
And yeah, those things can definitely be helpful. BUT.
Those tools don’t always meet you where you’re at. So…I’ve got a coaching tool for ya:
Many of my clients are angry.
Sometimes they know it, but more often, they don’t even realize they have all that pent up anger.
Anger at themselves, exes, parents, men, God, life generally. And if you try to meditate with that much anger, steam MIGHT start coming out of your ears. (Kidding…kinda.)
So instead of something more typical in the self help world, like meditating or journaling daily, what if you just had a controlled temper tantrum?
What if you just screamed and yelled and hit pillows?
Even if you don’t feel like you have anger, try this one for me. Because I have a hunch that a lot of anger you had no idea was there will begin to bubble up.
And that’s a good thing.
Better out than in.
Anger kept inside leads to resentment towards yourself and others, and it’s really hard to trust your intuition, much less others when anger is clouding everything up.
Most important, dating with a lot of anger also puts you in the awkward position of assuming the man you’re on a date with is guilty until proven innocent.
Who wants to go on a date with a person like that? Not me, and I’m guessing you wouldn’t either. Bottled up anger is really a non-starter when it comes to healthy relationships.
If you have lots of anger, find some time to let it out in a safe, productive way.
And if you want my help in processing your emotions and getting around your blocks so you can make 2017 the year of love, I’m taking on only 2 more clients in 2016.
Get started by applying for a powerful, no-obligation coaching conversation with me here to see if we’d be a good fit to work together.
Much much love (and anger),