Today’s episode is part two of a two-part series on manifesting your ideal partner and available partner. So, part one was from a few episodes back, it was episode 182. If you haven’t listened to that, I highly recommend you listen to that first. You don’t have to listen to that first, but I do think it’s helpful because, in that episode, I talked about some really easy, tangible ways you can start manifesting more of what you want. And some of these ways are so easy. You’re like, “Wait, Veronica, that’s it? That’s what manifesting is?” And the answer is a big, fat, “Yes.” It doesn’t have to be all woo or complicated or hard as we make it out to be.
Now, for today’s episode, we’re still talking about manifesting, but we’re talking about how I actually think you’re already a really great manifester and you just might not be attracting what you want. You might be attracting or manifesting the unavailable partners or unavailable relationships or dead-end relationships. So, today, we’re going to talk about how you’re doing that, why you’re doing that, and then how you can begin to flip that so you can keep manifesting like you are, except you’re going to be manifesting available partners and relationships that have potential to go somewhere.
The Brain Science Behind Manifesting
Now, we’re going to get a little nerdy here, so I want you to bear with me, and I do think it’s really important for you to understand the science or the brain science behind this because I think it helps you to feel not so crazy. It’s really easy when you’ve had failed relationship after failed relationship, or you’ve just been single for so long or whatever your pattern is, that you think something’s wrong with you or that something’s messed up or that you’re just really broken or maybe just not meant for love. And none of that is true.
What’s true is that we all have a reptile brain that, sometimes, might be working against us in our love life, and once we can learn a little bit more about that and why it does it, it doesn’t do that because it hates you, it does it because that’s supposed to be doing that. It’s its job. But once we can learn a little bit more about how the conscious mind and the unconscious mind work together, then you can really begin to shift who you attract and the kind of relationships that you attract.
Let’s start with the conscious brain versus the unconscious brain.
The conscious brain is the part of the brain that makes you a human. It’s the part of you that thinks, that analyzes, that makes decisions, that loves, that responds, that recognizes people, all of that. That is the frontal lobe of your brain, so I might refer to it as the front part of your brain, your frontal lobe, the new part, the conscious part of your brain. I might use it interchangeably here in this episode, and that’s what I’m referring to. It’s the part of your brain that when you meet someone, you’re wondering, “Hmm, what kind of family does this person come from?” Or if you’re like me, you’re wondering, “What’s his credit score?” or “What kind of father would he make?”
Now, the reptile brain, on the other hand, is an old part of the brain and is the part of the brain that creates decisions and actions you’re not consciously aware of. And some of that’s totally fine. You don’t need to be consciously aware of it. You don’t need to be consciously aware of every single thing that needs to happen in order to lift up your arm. You don’t need to be consciously aware of your digestive system, and that’s all fine and well. But there are also some things that your reptile part of the brain does do unconsciously, that, if we can bring that into the conscious brain, you can dramatically change who you attract and the kinds of relationships that you find yourself in. And if you’re not really sure if this is true or not, then I want you to go back to the first episode in this two-part series, episode 182, and listen to that because I talk about how your thoughts literally create your reality there. And so, to shift your thoughts and beliefs about yourself, this is where you really have to begin to bring some of that unconscious patterning in your reptile brain to the conscious part of your brain.
This isn’t about being wrong or broken.
I don’t want you to think that this part of you, the reptile brain, the unconscious brain, whatever you want to call it, is wrong or bad or that you’re dumb or you need to be fixed or whatever it is. But I do just want to say that the kind of relationship that I know you want to create in your life, it’s simply not in your reptile brain’s wheelhouse. And that’s totally fine, and that’s not just true for you. I do believe that that is true, pretty much, for everyone. Okay? All right. So, let’s talk about why you might be attracting partners from the old part of your brain. So, let me just paint you, again, a really simple example. Even if this example doesn’t apply to you specifically, I want you to ask yourself, “How can this apply to me?” or “What is my story in this?”
So, maybe your parents worked really long hours, and maybe you were always the last kid to be picked up from daycare. And maybe, as you got older, then you came home every day after school and nobody was home until 6:00 or 7:00 o’clock. Meanwhile, maybe some of your friends, they all got picked up earlier in daycare, and as they got older in school, their parents or one of the parents was home. And maybe that parent had some milk and cookies or whatever snacks out for them while they did their homework, and it got you thinking, “This isn’t happening for me. Why doesn’t this happen for me?” And so, from that, you created a story, so, unconsciously, your reptile part of your brain was like, “Hey, I’m not getting the love, safety, and belonging that I need.” And so, your conscious brain then transmits that information and creates a story around, “Well, something must be wrong with me. My parents must not love me. I must not be good enough.”
So, now, in a relationship as an adult, let’s say you attract someone who is always really busy or they work a lot or maybe one time they said they would call and then they didn’t call, and so you lash out and you get really angry at this person for always being busy and never making time or not calling when they said that would call or whatever. And you feel sorry for yourself and eat a whole carton of ice cream, and there’s just a lot of anger and pain and grief in this relationship.
Now, the question would be asked is, “Well, what’s really going on here? Is it really the person and the situation or is it an old wound getting triggered?” And this is an important question to ask, but I also just want to note quickly here that this is not an opportunity to write off poor behavior. If someone said they would call and they didn’t, of course, you’re allowed to be disappointed and say something to them and maybe be angry or sad or whatever it is. But if you lash out or if your reaction is greater than what is actually going on, then that’s a sign that something deeper is being triggered, and that’s something that, as a coach, I want to look at. And that’s something for you, for you to bookmark and say, “Okay, I need to bring this to Veronica” or “I need to bring this to my coach or therapist” or whatever it is because I need to see what really is going on here.
The other thing that happens is most people attract partners in situations like their caregivers and the situations their caregivers created.
You might feel a sense of familiarity or that you’ve known this person your whole life when you meet them. Or maybe it even feels like deja vu, and a lot of times that can get mistaken for love at first sight. But, really, what might be going on is your reptile brain is saying, “Hmm, this feels familiar. This feels comforting. Hmm, I felt this before,” and that’s very easy to get confused with, “This feels like love. This feels like it could be something.” And so, you might find yourself really attracted to that person, and you might even create a relationship with that person. So, for example, if you felt like you can never please your dad, there’s a part of you that’s deeply wounded from that. You don’t feel like you’re enough or that something’s wrong with you. And again, that all gets encoded in the reptile brain.
But when it gets translated to your conscious brain, the frontal lobe of your brain, it’s almost like it’s translating from two different languages. And the translation just doesn’t come across quite right because your conscious brain picks up, “Man, something’s wrong with me” or “I’m not good enough, and so I need to get this wound, this part of me, this void, I need to get that filled because this fricking hurts.” And so, you’re likely to attract someone who has very familiar or similar characteristics of your dad, someone that you feel like you have to please because, one, it feels familiar from the reptile part of the brain, but, two, what you’re really trying to do is to fill that core wound of never being able to please your own father. So, this is actually a real thing, and it’s called post-family stress disorder. And unfortunately for us, until you can get your frontal lobe and reptile brain talking in a different way and bringing some of these unconscious things that the reptile brain does into the frontal lobe, into the conscious part of your brain, you’re going to continue to be triggered and attract not the right partners and even unhealthy relationships. This is why I believe inner child work is the number one thing you can do to change your relationship patterns and who you manifest.
From what I described here, you are manifesting from a very deep place, from a deep place of your beliefs and your core wounds and your thoughts, you are manifesting exactly what makes sense in a very logical way, right? You are manifesting people who aren’t available. You are manifesting relationships that aren’t the right fit for you, but you’re still manifesting them, and it makes perfect sense as to why you’re manifesting them. And so, once you can start doing the inner child work and starting to clear some of those old beliefs, heal some of those core wounds, then your frontal lobe and your reptile brain start talking to each other in a new way, and your frontal lobe and your reptile part of your brain can then begin to make some decisions like, “Okay, this feels familiar. I know why this person feels familiar, but this is not what I want. And this is actually not real love. This is just something that feels like love because it feels familiar and it feels comforting because it feels familiar, and so I’m going to pass. I’m just sniffing out some trouble here, and so I’m going to go on to the next person that I meet.”
That’s what happens when you can begin to do some of this inner child work.
It’s not enough for you to just consciously say, “I want an emotionally available partner” or “I want this kind of relationship. I want that kind of relationship,” because if that’s the only place where we’re attracting our relationships from, we’d be able to have whatever we fricking wanted. I’d be able to say, “Hey dude, I want $1 million,” and I would have $1 million. Right? But that’s not how it works. We actually really attract and manifest from the reptile part of our brain, the unconscious part of our brain, and the only way to begin to shift how the two parts of your brain are talking to each other is through this inner child work. And I just want to be really clear. This is not about you being broken or needing to be fixed. That is total crap. You are whole, you are complete, and you are perfect right now just the way you are. This work is simply just about getting the frontal lobe of your brain and your reptile brain talking better or talking in a different way, I should say, so that you can create that conscious relationship that may not be in your reptile brain’s wheelhouse. And that’s okay because that’s completely normal.
It’s time to dive deeper.
If this is something that you want to dive deeper in with me, and you want me to hold your hand through this process, and you want me to help you connect the dots, heal some core wounds, and holds you accountable in the process. I hope you’ll consider joining me for the Love Incubator. The Love Incubator is a one-on-one coaching immersion with a group element designed to help you up-level all relationships in your life. By the end, you’ll know exactly what you want in love and how to get it and how to manifest it without worrying about being too much or too masculine or too needy or too emotional or having to rely on that stale, old, crappy dating advice around, “Send these seven texts, and get him to ‘I do'” or whatever crap like that. I won’t be running the love incubator again for at least a year, so now is the time to work closely with me and what we talked about in these two manifesting episodes.
I have a quick chat with everyone first before you officially join to make sure it’s a good fit, click here to learn more about the program and schedule an incubator exploratory call. Now, these incubator exploratory calls, they are required to join the program, but you are not required to join the program if you sign up for an incubator or exploratory call. They are pretty much exactly what they sound like, and our incubator exploratory call, together, we’ll explore if the incubator is the next right step for you. And by the end, you will be a clear, “Yes,” or a clear, “No,” and we’ll go from there. If you are a, “Yes,” and if you are a, “No,” we’ll also go from there as well.
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