Previously in Part Four of How I Found Love…
Dating went completely on the back burner because of my job with the Obama campaign. During that year, I worked like crazy, was sleep deprived, and wasn’t really taking care of myself. After the campaign, I didn’t regain my energy like I thought I would, so I knew something needed to change.
I was too tired to start counting calories again, and I wanted my food to nourish and energize me. So inspired by some vegan friends, I decided being vegan would help me change my relationship to food. Soon after, I got a job in Washington, DC, and was ready to meet my nice Jewish boy.
If you missed the full Part Four of my love story, read it HERE. If you missed Part Three, read it HERE. If you missed Part Two, read it HERE. If you missed Part One, read it HERE.
Here is Part Five, aka Three Steps Forward, and Two Steps Back…
When I moved to DC, I was so excited to start dating. I felt like over the past few years since living abroad, I had reinvented myself.
I was living in a city I’d wanted to live in for years, I had a new job, and I was just beginning to get ideas of my health coaching business.
It was the first time I had an online dating profile, and I felt like I had thousands of potential partners at my finger tips after I signed up with OkCupid.
I was confident, I wasn’t battling my body, and I was genuinely excited about life. You know how people say though that you take 3 steps forward and two steps back?
Well, that was about to happen to me.
But first, I had to take a giant step back.
Almost immediately after I moved to DC, 6 I met this guy who was a banker. He was totally into me, and I was into him too.
I’d never dated someone so wealthy before, and he was regularly dropping a couple of hundred dollars on our dates. I have a little shame in admitting this, but honestly, I loved it.
So you can already tell where this is going, right? It sounds exactly like the two guys I dated when I lived abroad, because, well, it was exactly the same pattern.
About six weeks after we started dating, he broke up with me because he wasn’t ready for a relationship.
I remember standing in my bathroom sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn’t figure out where it went wrong and what I could’ve done that would’ve made him more into me.
I couldn’t stop thinking about how amazing those first few date were!
But here’s the crazy thing: on the last 2 dates we were supposed to have, the guy was too drunk to pick me up! Those dates never happened, and yet, I was STILL heartbroken.
I fantasized helping him change and become the man I thought he could be.
I even sent him a long, pathetic email telling him that I believed in him and ‘would be here when he was ready.’
But here I was standing over my sink balling so hard I could barely talk. And more than that, it was like the last three years of growth went right out the window.
I was beyond frustrated and mad at myself. I was on the phone with one of my best guy friends, and what he said to me changed everything:
“Veronica, you’re pissing me off. I don’t get how an accomplished and smart woman like yourself can let this guy get to you. He should’ve felt so lucky to be able to date you, but he was too f*ing drunk to pick you up! Get over yourself!”
Ouch. But as I looked at my swollen eyes in the mirror, a wave of compassion and love came over me as I looked in the mirror and asked myself:
“How the hell did I end up back here?”
And that’s when I realized that the vulnerability of being in a new city had allowed me to fall back into an old belief pattern. No text, dress, or dress size was going to make or break my quest to get into a meaningful relationship.
I gave myself some time, but then I pulled myself together, and started dating again.
I had come way too far to let someone else’s shit become my shit.
So I went back to OkCupid, and let’s just say… I quickly got up to my ears in online dating.
I met all kinds of guys who were great. Nothing really went beyond a few dates, but that didn’t matter to me. I had gotten back to a point post-banker boyfriend where I was taking care of myself and pursuing things that were important to me personally and professionally.
In other times of my life, my confidence would’ve been shot or my self-doubt would’ve crept in with so many “failed” dates.
Keep in mind – I was still a vegan and in the midst of a massive transformation of how I treated my body and health. It wasn’t until years after that that I put two and two together, but I was having a blast dating.
I felt good about who I was and I was excited again about the direction of my life, with or without a guy.
Then, in one fateful g-chat conversation, one of my friends invited me to go to a happy hour with him that his friend was hosting after work.
Stevie was the host of this happy hour, and I’d heard my friend talk about him for a while, so I was excited to finally meet this Stevie guy.
As soon as I met him I felt an instant connection. I know that sounds cliche and maybe a bit woo woo, but I definitely felt a spark.
Don’t get me wrong though, I’d dated plenty of other guys where I’d felt that spark before, so I had taught myself to write it off. Anyways, that whole evening we talked, and before long, we were the only two left at the bar from our friend group.
As we were talking, he put his hand on my knee, and said, “Your skin is so soft! How is it so soft?”
Without skipping a beat, I looked him in the eye and said, “Kale.”
It’s a funny thing to say, and I was slightly joking, but it also made me realize how I actually believed that too. Transforming my diet, which was just a microcosm of how I changed the way I was treating myself breathed new energy and nourishment into my life.
So why wouldn’t it also make my skin soft?!
Anyways, we didn’t quite start dating that night, it was about six weeks later that we finally went on our first date. And that, is another story for the final installment of how I found love.
PS – I hope you’ve been enjoying my How I Met Your Mother style telling of how I met Stevie. I’d love to hang out with you and get to know you even better in my Date Yourself Challenge.
The fun starts next month. It’s free, it’s fun, and it can change your life. Sign up HERE.