Day 4: If you’ve ever wondered why guys ghost…

There are lots of reasons why guys ghost.

But if there were one BIG reason, it’d be this:

An imbalance of feminine-masculine energy.

We live in a masculine world, so for most of us, masculine energy comes easily. Masculine energy is the energy of doing, effort, and achievement. Feminine is the energy of being, receptivity, flow, and creativity.

Think of it this way:

Imagine a river. The shore, the river bank, and everything that makes up the actual structure of the river is the masculine part. It’s sturdy and holds the space. The feminine part of the river is the water itself.

But the river needs both the masculine and feminine parts to be a river.

If the river didn’t have the banks it would just be a flood, and with no water, it’d be a big ditch.

Relationships, whether between a man and a woman or two people of the same sex, also need both feminine and masculine energies.

I find a lot of ambitious women veer away from femininity (myself included) because to most of our society, being feminine is usually described within the context of being a mother, wife, or maiden. (Think Disney princesses.)

But for most career-oriented women, these archetypes don’t resonate with us. Plus, it feels safer to be in your masculine energy because it’s inherently less vulnerable.

And because we don’t know any better, instead of finding other ways to be feminine that feels safe and authentic, we end up rejecting femininity and holding onto too much masculine energy.

Not sexy. It creates way too much masculine energy in a relationship, and this is key here: he won’t feel like he has a place in your life, or in the relationship.

The good news is, the ways you can be more feminine are infinite, and it doesn’t have to be “girly” (Unless you want it to be.) and has nothing to do with traditional gender roles.

Remember the river? The water in the river can be serene and peaceful or thrashing and turbulent. Femininity can be the peaceful, serene maiden archetype, all the way to the turbulent, wild archetype.

So, how do you know if you’re holding onto too much masculine energy?

I find these to be tall-tale signs:

  • You push away emotionally available men.
  • You go on a lot of first dates. They are fun, great conversation, but it seems more friendly than romantic.
  • An ex or has told you he felt like you never needed him for anything.
  • You constantly feel exhausted and depleted.
  • Men say they don’t want to be in a relationship then end up marrying the next woman they date
  • There’s little depth or vulnerability in your relationship

Tomorrow’s challenge is to do something that makes you feel feminine.

Here are some ideas to hone in on your femininity:

  • Spend some time adorning your body: wear your favorite jewelry, get a mani/pedi, or spend some extra time on your makeup or hair
  • Nurture your creativity. Nothing is more feminine than to create. Spend some time playing music, drawing, crafting, or working on DIY projects.
  • Feminine energy is also the energy of being. Try spending some time reflecting: meditate, journal, walk in nature, or read something inspirational.

Snap a photo of your feminine date, and please share on Instagram or Facebook. Use the hashtag #DateYourselfChallenge + tag me, @veronicaegrant (or with my page on FB) so I can count your entry.

Remember, each post on Insta or in the Facebook group is an entry to win fun prizes from me. {Including some 1x1 time with me!}

A few reminders:

  • Each date should be something you do BY YOURSELF. Yes, we love our mothers, friends, and kids. But this challenge is about you cultivating an irresistible relationship with yourself so that you can attract an irresistible relationship.
  • Progress, not perfection! Depending on your schedule, you may be able to spend an hour or more on your date, or just 5 minutes. Either is perfect! Be where you are, and celebrate.

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