Hello and welcome to day three of the 2020 Love Vision Podcast Challenge. This week on the podcast, I’m doing something a little different in celebration of Valentine’s Day. I want to help you get refocused on your love life so that you can get unstuck and move forward.
Each day this week on the podcast, I’m releasing a mini episode that will help you get clear on your goals in your love life, overcome blocks getting in your way, and you’ll end the challenge with creating some tangible action steps that will change your love life. Today is day three and it’s all about your love blocks. Now, if you haven’t listened to days one and two first, I highly recommend you do that before starting here. It will make a lot more sense when we get to the exercise for today.
Okay, so today is all about love blocks and I’m thinking that this is what I’m becoming known for in the relationship and love world because a lot of women come to me specifically because of my work around inner child work.
I do believe that as adults we are all playing out old, unresolved issues from our childhood.
I do believe that as adults we are all playing out old, unresolved issues from our childhood. And this is true across the board. It does not matter your socioeconomic status. It does not matter your religious background, your racial/ethnic background. It does not matter if you’ve come from a family that looks idyllic and like our Sweet Pete on The Bachelor. It does not matter if you’ve come from a family of any kind of trauma or divorce. Everyone has stuff. Everyone is a human. Everyone at some point has lost that sense of love, safety, and belonging.
And whenever you have lost that sense of love, safety, and belonging, then you have created some sort of habit, and that habit might turn into a pattern, over many years that will help you to compensate so that you don’t feel that pain of not feeling the love, safety, and belonging.
This is completely normal. It’s completely natural. And it is completely human. So if you have noticed that you have some patterns or some blocks that aren’t super helpful, and you’re aware that they’re not helpful, and maybe even at this point you know that they’re harmful for you, I want you to know that that’s normal and it’s okay. It does not mean that there’s anything wrong with you. It does not mean that you’re broken or anything like that.
I really don’t buy into the belief that you are broken and you have to be whole and healed in order to find love, because that would mean that all people in a relationship are whole and healed. And that’s just the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. I think the better question is from where are you attracting your relationships?
So today we’re going to figure out where that place is. Is it a place of fear? Is it a place of not feeling good enough? Is it a place of trying to please, and compensate, and all of those things? Well, what kind of relationship do you think that’s going to attract versus attracting from a place of feeling good enough, a feeling like you have so much to give and you want to share that love, or I guess you could say healed place would be? So again, if you want to have all of these journaling questions and exercises that I talk about here on the podcast in writing, then head over to veronicagrant.com/podcastchallenge, and there you can download the workbook for free.
Okay, so to get started with figuring out what’s blocking you, this is really a natural next step after days one and two. In day one we talked about where are you right now, where are you starting. In day two we talked about where are you going and now it’s, what’s getting in the way.
So using this Google Map analogy again, it’s like you put in your address of where you want to go in Google Maps and it has your location so it knows where you are now and Google Maps might give you a few different options. It might say, there’s a big traffic jam if you go this route. And you go this route, it’s a little bit longer, but the traffic seems to be moving faster. And if you go that route there seems to be a lot of speed traps. And you go this route, there are a bunch of tolls. And so then you have to figure out if you have cash on you to pay the tolls, or whatever it is, right?
The point is that there’s all these obstacles that are going to get in your way. They’re going to either block you totally or slow you down from getting to where you need to go. In our love life world, the same thing is true. You have some blocks that are either totally preventing you or slowing you down from getting into the relationship that you want. And most of them come from childhood.
And any blocks that were created when you were older, especially as an adult or a young adult, they might have started in that moment when you were an adult possibly because you experienced some form of trauma. That would certainly create some blocks because it would create some story about yourself, which will create some limiting beliefs. So of course that’s going to create some less than ideal habits.
However, I would say that even then, not all the time for sure, but a lot of the time, even some of those less than ideal relationships that happened when in your 20s and that were really traumatic and really created a lot of pain and you felt like were a turning point in your life, a lot of times those also can be a manifestation of childhood stuff.
Not all the time, of course, things happen, but I would say… I don’t know, I don’t have a percentage, a lot of the time. Most of the time. I’m not really sure. But even if you think, well, I was totally fine until this relationship when I was 25 or 30 or whatever, I really invite you to dig back even a little deeper and say, well where did that relationship manifest from? Where did I attract that relationship from? So they can really down to the root of it.
I do think that you need to get as close as you can to the root of your core wounding. We all have core wounds because that’s where the wound was created, and so that’s where it can best be healed.
I do think that you need to get as close as you can to the root of your core wounding. We all have core wounds because that’s where the wound was created, and so that’s where it can best be healed. So what I want you to do now is, again, if you’re journaling now, then go ahead and open your journal. You can pause me as I list all the questions, or you can just write the questions down now, journal later, or download the workbook.
But what I want you to do is I want you to just feel into how you feel and your love life. So we did this on day one, and for some of you it might’ve felt really crappy. You might’ve felt really ashamed. You might’ve felt not good enough. All of these feelings might’ve come up for you as we excavated the current state of your love life.
So I want you to drop into feeling that right now. Now, depending on where you are in your situation and your love life, you might be with a specific person and it’s maybe not going the way you wanted it to go. So then you can drop into how you feel and the dynamic in that relationship. Or it might just be your love life isn’t anyone specifically, and you’re dating a lot or not dating at all. How do you feel?
And the reason that I want you to jump into this is because this is how we’re going to trace it back to where it came from. Now again, just like I said in day one, we’re not solving anything. We’re not fixing anything. We’re not removing any blocks right now. All I want you to do is just get really clear on what the blocks actually are.
So what I want you to do, again, you’re thinking about how you feel, you’re really feeling into it. You might notice that you feel it in your body somewhere. You might feel a tightening in your chest or your throat. You might feel something like in the pit of your stomach. You might feel something completely elsewhere in your body. Again, it’s all normal. Wherever you feel it is totally fine. You can’t mess this up.
And what I want you to do as you’re feeling into that, I want you to ask yourself, what does this reminds you of? Or what does feeling like this remind you of? Or another way to ask it is, if you’re in a specific relationship with a person, who does that person remind you of? And if you’re not in a relationship with someone right now, think about your previous relationships that you have been with and ask yourself, who do they remind you of?
So the questions are, who (or what) does that remind you of, and how old do you feel?
And when you feel into those relationships, when you feel into your love life, I want you to ask herself, how old do you feel? So the questions again are, who (or what) does that remind you of, and how old do you feel? And then I just want you to begin thinking about, well, what was going on in that time of your life when you felt five, when you felt eight? Or if it reminds you of a certain situation, what was going on in the situation? Or if it reminds you of a person, probably your mom or your dad, most likely, then how does it remind you of those people? What are the similarities?
And this is going to begin to tell you, or show you, how you’re playing out some of these old things. Maybe you didn’t get the love that you wanted from dad, and so now as an adult, you’re trying to fill that void with the men that you’re dating. Or maybe you never felt good enough. Or maybe you felt like you were actually always the black sheep in the family. You just didn’t really fit in. And maybe your parents even said stuff like that. And so maybe now you feel like, “Well, I’m too much for people. No one’s going to like me.” And so you find yourself watering yourself down in relationships.
Now, these are just two very broad examples. Everyone’s going to have a little bit of nuance, but there are infinite number of ways that you could be connecting the dots here and understanding where your blocks came from. Because your blocks come from your core wounds. Because you have a core wound you didn’t feel that love, safety, and belonging, that created some feeling of not safety in your body and your emotions. And so you created some habit. You created some belief about yourself or a story about yourself. And then if it just happened once and you get over it, then fine. But typically those things ultimately become habits, which become patterns, which become blocks, and becomes a way in which we see the world.
So I would love to know what you came up with. Come on over to Instagram. Let me know I’m @veronicaegrant, and if you’re not Instagram, then head over to veronicagrant.com/contact and tell me what you realized. And if you have questions or if you’re struggling to connect those dots, then I would love to know that too so I can maybe answer some questions.
All right, so that is a wrap for day three of the podcast challenge and again, if you’d like a copy of the workbook that goes along with this challenge, head over to veronicagrant.com/podcastchallenge.
If you’ve been thinking that I might help you get out of your dating patterns and truly transform your relationships as I’ve done in my own life and the lives of so many of my clients and help you craft a life that serves you, I’d love to work with you.
My clients have left toxic relationships, started to actually enjoy dating and meeting people, met their partners, gotten married, and even had some babies. You can also expect to grow in your career, spirituality, sense of self, and more, because guess what? You are the common denominator in your own life. So if you’re ready for a massive transformation and are no longer available to stay stuck, I’d love to help you get out of this pattern. Head over to veronicagrant.com/coaching to learn more and take the next step, which is to schedule an introductory call with me. During our call together, we’ll get to know each other and see if working together is the next right step for you. Again, that’s veronicagrant.com/coaching.
All right, that’s it. I will see you tomorrow where we’ll dive into trusting love. Thanks for listening to the Love Life Connection Podcast. You can find the show notes for this episode at veronicagrant.com/podcast. And that’s also the place you can sign up to be coached by me here on the show. And if you love this podcast, please leave a review over on Apple Podcasts. It helps more incredible women like you find this show and find real love.
Until next time, remember wherever you are is exactly where you need to be. You’re not broken and you don’t need to be fixed. Just because you’ve never had the relationship you want before, doesn’t mean you can’t have it now.
After you listen to this episode, here are your next steps:
- Don’t forget to download your workbook for this challenge.
- Learn more about how your past can impact your love life and how to break old patterns in my virtual retreat, Shift Your Dating Patterns In A Weekend, March 7-8, 2020.
- Ready to explore what working with me is like? Learn more here.
- Interested in being coached on the Love Live Connection? Learn more here.
- Are we connected on Instagram? Come tell me WHO you are here!
- If you get value from the Love Life Connection, please rate & review it on Apple Podcasts. It only takes a sec to impact our ranking + it’ll help other women find our community!