Hello! Welcome to day two of the 2020 Love Vision Podcast Challenge. Today is all about your love vision and if you haven’t already listened to day one, I highly recommend you start there, so just scroll up on your podcast player. It is the next episode and listen to that. It’s pretty short. And then come back here. And in case you missed it, this week on the podcast, I’m doing something a little different. So in celebration of Valentine’s Day, I want to help you get refocused on your love life so that you can get unstuck and move forward.
Each day this week on the podcast, I’m releasing a mini episode that will help you get clear on your goals in love, overcome blocks getting in your way, and of course, you’ll end the challenge with some tangible action steps that will change your love life. So let’s go ahead and get started with your love vision. Now, just like yesterday’s challenge was all about where are you right now, now we need to know where do you want to go. Again, bringing back the example of Google Maps or the cat from Alice in Wonderland, we know where you are now. Now we need to know where you want to go so that we know if you need to turn right, and then left, and then go straight, and then go right again. So often, I work with women who desperately want a relationship, they know they want a relationship in their heart of hearts, and it is something that consumes a lot of their emotional bandwidth and just their energy throughout the day.
But then when it comes to actually getting clear, well, what do you want your relationship to look and feel like? How does that fit into your life? Then, often they’re a little confused and not sure of what they want. And it’s not surprising that many of these same women will often continue to feel frustrated and unseen in relationships because they don’t know what to ask for. They don’t know what they want. And so how can you even ask for something if you don’t know what you want? Think of a child screaming that can’t talk, so they’re like a year old or something and they’re screaming because they’re hungry, or they’re cold, or they’re tired. They don’t have the words at that point to articulate it. And so as their mom or dad, you just kind of have to guess what you think they want, or what they need, and then you try those different things and hopefully one of those things will get the child to stop screaming.
At some point, if you’re feeling unseen, or unsatisfied, or unfulfilled in a relationship, it might be true that it’s not the right relationship or the right person. But what also is probably true is that they may not know what you need or want, and so they don’t know what to do.
But once we’re adults, we know our words. You know your words. And at some point, if you’re feeling unseen, or unsatisfied, or unfulfilled in a relationship, it might be true that it’s not the right relationship or the right person. But what also is probably true is that they may not know what you need or want, and so they don’t know what to do. And that’s going to create a lot of frustration on your end because you’re going to feel unseen and unwanted and unloved, and that’s not going to feel very good. But honestly, they’re going to feel really frustrated too, because they’re going to feel like no matter what they do, it’s not enough. And it really just comes down to good communication. But again, I’m beating a dead horse here, but I just want you to get this across that there can be no communication on this topic if you don’t know what to ask for.
So again, I’m going to give you some journaling questions that I really want you to take some time with. And I know yesterday I was like, if you don’t want to journal, that’s fine. Just think about it, meditate on it. But I really, really want you to write this down because I think it’s really important to have on a pen and paper, or a notes app on your phone, just so that you can be reminded of what it is that you want in a relationship so that when you’re in a situation where you’re like, “I don’t know if this feels good, something feels off. I don’t know if this is what I want.” You have something that you can refer back to, to help remind you of whether or not this relationship could be the right thing or not. Because sometimes when we’re actually in the relationship, it’s very easy to get lost in it and lost in all the emotions, and the triggers, and all that kind of stuff.
And sometimes we can get a little googly-eyed and really forget the core values that you might have. So definitely write these down and of course if you want some support, help with these journaling questions, then head over to veronicagrant.com/podcastchallenge. And there you can download the workbook and the workbook has all of these questions and some more notes and just some thoughts about today’s challenge there so that you can read through that and you don’t have to take notes with what I’m teaching you in case you are out on a run, or a walk, or walking the dog, or doing the dishes or whatever. So the theme of today is, what do you want in love? And I just want to give you a few pointers before we get started with the journaling questions. The first thing is that I want you to understand that you might need to relearn what love feels like.
A lot of times we have been in relationships that have had high-highs and low-lows and the high-highs feel fricking amazing. And the low-lows feel miserable. But we want that high-high again so bad. And so what happens is we begin to compare that high-high to what love is. And so then you go out with someone who seems like a nice person and you’re like, “I don’t know, I’m kind of bored. Why am I not into the nice guys? I’m only into the asshole guys.” And that’s because you’ve taught yourself that high-high is love, and that’s not really what love is. If you want a little bit more information on this, I highly recommend you listen to my episode on this topic specifically, veronicagrant.com/episode111, and I’ll put that link in the show notes so that you can go back and listen to it if you’d like.
That’s because you’ve taught yourself that high-high is love, and that’s not really what love is.
I do recommend if you can relate to this little conundrum that I know a lot of women find themselves in. So again, the high-high does not equal love. You might need to relearn what love feels like and in fact, that’s going to be a challenge later on in this challenge series so we can work a little bit more on that. I believe it’s day four so know that is coming. However, just know that this might be something on the horizon that you will have to work at. The other thing is that chemistry doesn’t equal compatibility. Chemistry can be awesome. Chemistry can just mean great sex and it’s nothing more. It’s just great sex. But that does not mean that someone is actually going to be compatible with your lifestyle, with your values, with the things that you want out of life, with the things that you want out of a relationship, the things that you don’t want a relationship, all of those things.
So I want you to look beyond chemistry. And I know a lot of you, it’s really important for you to have strong physical affection and a great sex life with your partner. And I strongly, strongly agree. I think that’s important. That’s really what makes a romantic partnership different than the other relationships that we have in our life. But I want you to know that chemistry doesn’t equal compatibility, and often chemistry can come from compatibility. And so often if chemistry is there first and it’s like you see the person across the room and you’re like “Oh shit, gotta have that person!”, then that can actually be a trigger or it can be actually something related to your inner child. I’ve talked about this a little bit more on the podcast. I’m not going to go too much into it now. Maybe I’ll do another podcast episode about this specifically if you’re interested in learning more, but if you listened to Summer Love School when I had Ken Page on the program, he talked about this. Anyways, so just want to put that out there.
So go ahead and grab your journal, or download the workbook, whatever you’re going to do, and I want you to write down these questions so that you can either pause me and go through the questions now as you’re listening or come back to them when you are going to do some journaling time in your day. Okay, so the first question is, I want you to think of someone in your life who you love or loves you. And ideally this relationship is not a triggered relationship, so it’s likely not going to be a parent. It’s likely not going to be a former lover. It might be a really good friend. It might be a pet. It might be an aunt, or it might be a child. It might be a sibling. It might be a really close friend or coworker, whoever. Just make sure that this relationship is trigger-free as possible.
I want you to get really, really specific because those are going to give you some clues as to what’s important to you in a loving, trusting relationship.
And then I want you to think about what is it about their love or that person that makes you feel safe and secure. And I want you to get really, really specific because those are going to give you some clues as to what’s important to you in a loving, trusting relationship. Then the next question is how can that inform what you want in a relationship? Okay. So those questions all kind of cluster together. And then the next two questions cluster together. And that is how do you want to feel in your ideal relationship and what are your values? So what are your values in life? What are your values in love and relationships with men and women? With health? All of these things. Just what are your values? Because I don’t think you necessarily need to have the same values as the person that you’re calling into your life but I definitely think you need to have parallel values. They need to work together.
And then the next three cluster of questions is a relationship envisioning exercise. And it’s one of my favorites. The first question is who do you want to be in your ideal relationship? The next question is what do you want to do in your ideal relationship? So what does your relationship actually do? How does it fit into your life? Do you travel together? Do you go on walks every evening? What are the things that you do in your ideal relationship? And then what do you want to have in your ideal relationship? So think of the tangible and intangible. Do you want kids, do you want a family? Do you want a business together? Do you want a home together? Also do you want to feel like a team? Do you want to have trust? What kind of bond do you want to have? What kind of sex life do you want to have? What kind of communication do you want to have? So what do you want to have in your ideal relationship?
And I just want you to really focus on the questions that I’m giving you rather than something along the lines of a “perfect man list”. I’ve talked a lot about a “perfect man list”. I really think they keep you stuck in single because it’s just a way of taking our past experiences and projecting that onto the future as to what we think we want or what we think will make us happy. But ultimately why we want anything in life is because we think these things will make us feel a certain way. So I want to start with how you want to feel in your ideal relationship and work from there rather than saying, oh well if I have this kind of person and they’ve got this kind of job and they’re this height and all these things, then we think we’ll be happy. And ultimately more often than not, that is not true.
So I can’t wait to hear what you think about these questions, what comes up for you, what questions you have. Come on over to Instagram and let me know. I’m @veronicaegrant and if you’re not on Instagram, that’s totally fine. Head over to veronicagrant.com/contact and there you can submit any questions or insights or ahas. I’d really love to hear from you. Okay, so that is a wrap for day two of the podcast challenge and again, if you’d like a copy of the workbook that goes along with this podcast challenge, head over to veronicagrant.com/podcastchallenge. And if you’ve been thinking that I might help you get out of your dating patterns and truly transform your relationships as I’ve done in my own life and the lives of oh so many of my clients and help you craft a life that serves you, I’d love to work with you.
My clients have left toxic relationships, started to actually enjoy dating and meeting people, met their partners, gotten married, and even had some babies. You can also expect to grow in your career, spirituality, sense of self and more because guess what? You are the common denominator in your own life. So if you’re ready for a massive transformation and are no longer available to stay stuck, I’d love to help you get out of this pattern. Head over to veronicagrant.com/coaching to learn more and take the next step, which is to schedule an introductory call with me. During our call together, we’ll get to know each other and see if working together is the next right step for you. Again, that’s veronicagrant.com/coaching. All right, that’s it. I will see you tomorrow where we’ll dive into your love blocks.
Thanks for listening to the Love Life Connection Podcast. You can find the show notes for this episode at veronicagrant.com/podcast and that’s also the place you can sign up to be coached by me here on the show. And if you love this podcast, please leave a review over on Apple Podcast. It helps more incredible women like you find this show and find real love. Until next time, remember wherever you are is exactly where you need to be. You’re not broken and you don’t need to be fixed. Just because you’ve never had the relationship you want before, doesn’t mean you can’t have it now.
After you listen to this episode, here are your next steps:
- Don’t forget to download your workbook for this challenge.
- Learn more about how your past can impact your love life and how to break old patterns in my virtual retreat, Shift Your Dating Patterns In A Weekend, March 7-8, 2020.
- Ready to explore what working with me is like? Learn more here.
- Interested in being coached on the Love Live Connection? Learn more here.
- Are we connected on Instagram? Come tell me WHO you are here!
- If you get value from the Love Life Connection, please rate & review it on Apple Podcasts. It only takes a sec to impact our ranking + it’ll help other women find our community!