Surprise! I am here in your podcast feed on a Monday and you might be wondering why. Well, today is day one of the 2020 Love Vision Podcast Challenge. So this week on the podcast I’m doing something a little different in celebration of Valentine’s day. I want to help you get refocused in your love life so that you can get unstuck and finally move forward. So each day on the podcast this week I’m releasing a mini episode that will help you get clear on your goals and your love life, overcome blocks getting in your way, and you’ll end the challenge with creating some tangible action steps that will change your love life. So today is day one and it’s all about taking a love inventory.
Now, I will tell you that this is probably the step that most of you want to skip the most, and I’m telling you don’t. It’s actually super, super important that you don’t skip out on your love inventory. When I mean love inventory, I mean assessing where you are in your love life right now. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Now, a lot of people want to skip this step because it’s really uncomfortable. We don’t really want to admit where we are or really see where we are. We’d rather just turn a blind eye to it or stick her head in the sand and just immediately start moving to something new or something different in your love life. I really, really believe though, as a coach, that to get to where you want to go, you have to be super clear on where you are right now.
It kind of reminds me, it’s not exactly a parallel, but it’s still kind of reminds me of that scene from Alice in Wonderland where Alice is completely lost and she doesn’t know where to go and so she tells the cat, “Hey, I’m lost. I don’t know which way to go.” And he’s like, “Well, where do you want to go?” And she’s like, “Wherever, I don’t care.” And he’s like, “Well, you can go wherever you want then.” So when you put your directions into Google Maps, Google Maps needs to know where you are now so it can tell you how to get to where you need to go, location B. And I think when it comes to our emotional state, our spiritual state, or mental state, or our physical state, wherever we want to change and our life, we need to know when to turn right and when to turn left. And we know that based on where you are now. So it’s really important that you know what kind of people you’re attracting. It’s really important that you know what kind of boundaries you are or are not setting. It’s really important for you to understand what you’re putting up with, and maybe you need to ask for, or not ask for, or whatever it is.
So it’s really important that you know what kind of people you’re attracting. It’s really important that you know what kind of boundaries you are or are not setting.
Okay. So, I am going to give you some questions that I want you to journal on. If nothing else, definitely think and meditate on them, but I really want you to be radically honest with yourself. Now, if you want to download the workbook that goes with this podcast challenge, I highly recommend you do, because I’ve included some extra notes in the workbook and I’ve also just got everything laid out so you can follow it really clearly and easily. You just head over to veronicagrant.com/podcastchallenge. Again, the workbook is totally free, as is the challenge. But the workbook will just help you to stay focused and also all the journaling questions and all the other assignments that I give throughout this podcast challenge will be all there so that in case you’re listening to this podcast as you’re running, or driving, or cleaning, or whatever, you don’t need to stop and take notes on all the questions, they’re all right there for you. So again, veronicagrant.com/podcastchallenge, and you can download the workbook there.
Okay, I would love to see you actually write these questions down and the answers down and actually journal on them in your journal, on a piece of paper, in the workbook, wherever. If you’re really not a journaler and you’re really resistant to it, definitely at least think about it, meditate on it, and maybe go on a walk and think about a couple of the questions and just really see what comes up for you. And again, I want you to be radically honest.
So here’s some questions that I want you to think about. #1: How does your love life feel right now? So does it feel exhausting? Does it feel like it’s something you’re just putting on the back burner over and over again? Does it feel like it’s draining? Does it feel fun? Does it feel exciting? Does it feel passionate? Does it feel a number of these things altogether? Does it some days feel really good and exciting and some days really crappy and just really blah?
There’s no right or wrong here and I don’t want you to be in fix it mode right now, not that you’re broken, or not that you’re ever broken. I never liked the idea of fixing ourselves or fixing things in our life, but I don’t want you to be in a state right now like, “Okay, well, this is really bad, I need to change it.” I just want you to assess where you are right now. It’s kind of like if you’ve been really bad with money for many months, or many years, and then you finally want to start setting a budget, and setting some goals to save money, at some point you actually have to look at your bank account and see how much debt you have and see how much money is actually in your account. You have to be able to look at those numbers even if they’re uncomfortable so that you can set some reasonable goals to budget for and reasonable goals to save for. And it’s the same thing here.
We’re not trying to fix, or solve, or change anything now, I just want you to get super, super clear.
So we’re not trying to fix, or solve, or change anything now, I just want you to get super, super clear. Okay, so again, how does your love life feel right now? That’s the big question that I really want you to journal on or think about. And then after that, I want you to think about what are some of the patterns that keep coming up over and over again.
Sometimes patterns can be in the form of people. They can be that you’re attracting the same kind of person over and over again, and sometimes it can be the same kind of situation over and over again. Sometimes the same thing can happen to you over and over again. Sometimes you can feel the same way in a relationship over and over again. All of these are patterns. You might be experiencing one or more patterns, but I want you just to write down any kind of patterns that you notice, no matter how big, or small, or insignificant they seem. Everything is important when it comes to connecting the dots, which we’ll get to later on in this week.
The next question I want you to consider is: What are you putting up with? What is some crappy behavior from other people, or even from yourself, that you’re putting up with that? Maybe it’s time to stop, but again, we’re not there in fix it mode yet, we’re just noticing what kind of behavior or situations or things or people that you’re putting up with. And then the next question is: What are you not asking for? What are you not asking for? What are some things that you would like to have in your love life or that you need in your love life but you’re not asking for them?
And then finally, this is one of my favorite exercises, and it’s actually an exercise that I used to do with clients a lot, I don’t do it as much anymore, I don’t know why, it’s actually a great exercise. But basically, it comes in a lot of different forms. I’ve seen it in the form of the Wheel of Life where you have a circle that looks like a pie. So you’ve divided out in different sections of life and then you rank how good or bad that area of your life is, and you draw the circle and it’s really jagged, then that can show you what areas of your life need work.
You can do that. I also just like to list out the main categories of my life and then rank them on a scale of one to ten, 10 being, “This feels really awesome in my life right now,” and 1 being, “This part of my life feels really hard, really draining, really heavy, want ignore to all of those things.” So instead of looking at your entire life, though you can certainly do that, I’ve broken down some categories within your love life to look at because all of these things are ultimately the ingredients for a healthy relationship. And so if your boundaries are off or your communication’s off, or whatever it is, then it’s going to be really, really hard for you to create a healthy relationship when these skills and tools aren’t where they need to be. So again, not trying to fix it and not trying to judge yourself.
Let’s just rank where each of these categories are in your love life. And again, I have all these categories written down in the workbook at veronicagrant.com/podcastchallenge if you want to grab them there. But right now, or I can tell you right now, the categories are Boundaries, Communication, Worthiness, (how worthy do you feel of love? How worthy do you feel of someone’s attention, love, adoration, things like that). Reciprocity, (how much does your love life feel it’s reciprocal, or even, do you feel like you’re putting more of the energy and effort into your love life?) Passion/Excitement, does it feel exciting and passionate? And then finally Trust. How much do you trust yourself? How much do you trust the process? How much do you trust others? So where would you rank trust? So I’ll say those again quickly. Boundaries, Communication, Worthiness, Reciprocity, Excitement/Passion and Trust.
How much do you trust yourself? How much do you trust the process? How much do you trust others?
And actually, you know what, I’m going to go ahead and add Vulnerability in there because I think that’s also really important. And honestly, you can feel free to add any other categories that are important to you that I didn’t mention within your love life. But I think these really cover the big pieces when it comes to creating a healthy, happy relationship, so we’ll add vulnerability in there.
All right, that is it for day one. Again, if you’d like a copy of the workbook that goes along with this podcast challenge, head over to veronicagrant.com/podcastchallenge. And if you’ve been thinking that I might help you get out of your dating patterns and truly transform your relationships, as I’ve done in my own life and the lives of oh so many of my clients, and help you craft a life that serves you, I’d love to work with you. My clients have left toxic relationships, started to actually enjoy dating and meeting people, met their partners, gotten married, and even had some babies. You can also expect to grow in your career, spirituality, sense of self, and more because guess what? You are the common denominator in your own life.
So if you’re ready for a massive transformation and are no longer available to stay stuck, I’d love to help you get out of this pattern. Head over to veronicagrant.com/coaching to learn more and take the next step, which is to schedule an introductory call with me. During our call together, we’ll get to know each other and see if working together is the next right step for you. Again, that’s veronicagrant.com/coaching.
All right, that’s it. I will see you tomorrow when we dive into your love vision. Thanks for listening to the Love Life Connection podcast. You can find the show notes for this episode at veronicagrant.com/podcast, and that’s also the place you can sign up to be coached by me here on the show. And if you love this podcast, please leave a review over on Apple Podcasts. It helps more incredible women like you find this show and find real love. Until next time, remember wherever you are is exactly where you need to be. You’re not broken and you don’t need to be fixed. Just because you’ve never had the relationship you want before, doesn’t mean you can’t have it now.
After you listen to this episode, here are your next steps:
- Don’t forget to download your workbook for this challenge.
- Learn more about how your past can impact your love life and how to break old patterns in my virtual retreat, Shift Your Dating Patterns In A Weekend, March 7-8, 2020.
- Ready to explore what working with me is like? Learn more here.
- Interested in being coached on the Love Live Connection? Learn more here.
- Are we connected on Instagram? Come tell me WHO you are here!
- If you get value from the Love Life Connection, please rate & review it on Apple Podcasts. It only takes a sec to impact our ranking + it’ll help other women find our community!